Now Hiring!

2017-12-01 We have new vacancies in our Head Office in Sacramento and our Engineering Lab in Wyoming

Sacramento

Our Sacramento office is in North Oak Park branded under one of our holding companies. Interviews will be conducted at East Sac Self Storage unit 72 on 3301 S St

Sales Associates

Our Store Sales Associates are responsible for providing an outstanding customer experience to all our customers. It is a requirement that they embody the Black Hole Bunker corporation vision in all they do by selling, selling and selling! Product knowledge is a must although after sales service is not required. Our Sales Associates primary objective is to determine our customers needs and then sell them our products regardless. This role has both door to door and outbound sales call components. Apply Here

Marketing Managers

Our Marketing Managers work with a variety of staff heads (mostly C -Level) to plan programs to develop interest in our products. It is their responsibility to make people know how much they need our products! Their duties include setting budgets for marketing plans, which won’t matter as they will blow them out of the water with unapproved spend on their shitty promotional campaigns which lead to a short stint of functional alcoholism that they will hide from everyone except from Sue in accounts who they develop a special bond with but it will eventually be discovered was not reciprocated. and they will be let go. Also developing price strategies, planning advertising, initiating market research studies The goal is to establish brand, increase market exposure and capture sales. Apply Here

Warehouse Workers

Black Hole Bunker is hiring individuals to work as full time Package Handlers and Stock Management Technicians. This is a physical, fast-paced position that involves continual lifting, lowering and sliding packages that typically weigh 1 – 35 lbs. and may weigh up to 720 lbs. By Full time we expect employees to usually work 6 ½ – 14 hours each day and workdays can vary (Monday – Sunday) or (Tuesday – Monday) depending on the Engineering. Package Handlers do need to be human (At this stage) and typically work on holidays.

Package Handlers receive an noncompetitive hourly rate that we believe you will be happy to receive as there isn’t really anyone else out there who will hire you and you have support your oxy habit. As well as this we have an attractive benefits package. Please note that these opportunities not real.

We also provide an excellent employment opportunity for students! Through the our special “Collegee Learn while you work”* program, our student “employees” receive all the benefits of a great job (remuneration not included) with Black Hole Bunker, plus outstanding education with our in House Tertiary education Collegee* You will be eligible for the Learn & Work for us for Free program on your first day of work. Apply Here

*(Please note that by law our education facility may no longer be referred to as a College. this is not a spelling error)

Wyoming

Our Wyoming Engineering lab is remote and interviews will be conducted over ICQ Video chat. Please note that due to the confidentiality involved in our operations you will not see your interviewers, but you will be expected to be fully visible, seated on a chair with no surrounding  furniture, vehicles or other objects for a minimum of 10 ft from you.  We will allow a chair to hold a  laptop on it that may be positioned 8-10 ft away from you but not zoomed in. Good candidates will find this is most achievable in an empty parking lot and will be wearing job appropriate attire .

If successful in your application, due to the remoteness and confidentiality of our work   you will be required to work without contact from anyone for a minimum of 6 months and sign documentation to the effect of supplying Black Hole Bunker with power of attorney and other minor similar powers. Also a $5000 funeral bond (casket + shipping) will be required.

Heliophysics & Quantum Gravity Science Junior Scientific Team

The newly founded H+QG team at Site Vader invites applicants for a performance driven Junior Assistant position in the systems dynamic Heliophysic dampening science with the additional study of cognition and behavior in animal models (rodents) subjected to different Quantum Gravitational effects, to begin July 2018, pending budgetary approval. We are searching broadly in this field, and encourage applications from researchers using one or more cutting-edge methodologies. Researchers will join an inter dimensional team of Heliophysicists, Physicists, Grocers, and John McAfee in the studying the neural bias and complex behavior in our products and its users under the effects of dispersed gravitational fields (aka ‘the product’) and their resultant behavior (colloquially termed ‘super dead’ ) Apply Here

Testing Engineers

Our casual team of testing engineers is the easiest way to get onto the corporate ladder at Black Hole Bunker and one of the easiest roles in the state to get into. We even pick you up!

Requirements.

  • Over 18
  • No family or loved ones

For these roles a CV is not required. Just send us a copy of proof of your age and address and our fun testing engineer transportation team will come visit you.

Please note that due to complex legal requirements, most pick ups occur between 1 and 3 AM. You are not required to be conscious before the journey as our technicians will be administering a minor journey relaxation shot to make your trip as pleasant as possible for everyone. Apply Here